alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
