did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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