She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
