I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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