His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
