I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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