Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
