Pass out mid-funnel last night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
