...so i touched it.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
