Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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