Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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