If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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