in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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