How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
