You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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