guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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