I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
