Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
