its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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