Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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