I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
