I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
