It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
my poor anus
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
