I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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