Jerry, you need to find god
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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