Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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