ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
