Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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