Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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