If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
