Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
