one two three fourrrrnication!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How external is "for external use only"?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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