I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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