I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
how drunk are you?
Several
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
