Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
