I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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