no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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