Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
