Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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