textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
