yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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