If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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