I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
