Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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