i may or may not be watching the land before time
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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