I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
