I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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