Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Actions speak louder than pants.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
