I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
organizing the empties. That sober.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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