Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
