He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
